| WHAT I HATE ABOUT FOOTBALL- 10/19/07 Yeah I know, the title startled me too after I wrote it. But as the old biblical saying goes, “You can’t truly love something until you hate it and point out all its flaws”. Now don’t get me wrong, football is the best thing since sliced bread, even Canadian football (which I would still watch over baseball), but there are definitely some things that I would change. Enjoy. (“hate” related directly to how much it helps/hurts my teams) Difference in overtime rules between the NFL and College football I can’t stand the NFL’s overtime. One score and it is over. WTF. College overtime involves each team getting the ball in the opponent’s territory and scoring back and forth. That is so much more exciting. For example, last Sunday the Boise State- Nevada went to 4 OT’s and Boise State won it 69-67. Now that’ s football. This goes to show that even when two teams that I could give two shits about are playing, it was still awesome. In contrast, I can’t even remember any OT this season in the NFL. Dallas Cowboys Any team that has a quarterback whose name rhymes with Homo automatically makes them homosexuals. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. Douchebags. The Kneel Down Am I the only one that hates it? I want every game to be like a Madden game, where you try to score as much as possible. Even if there is 36 seconds left and a team is up 46-10, they should still go for that extra touchdown. HIGH SCORING ACTION. If there is no way to get rid of the kneel down, then there should be a rule where you can hit the quarterback for ten seconds after the snap. Haven’t you seen the blockers for these thing? All they do is stand up and play patty cake. Bullshit. That Middle Camera Nothing makes me more nauseous. It might be good for replays, but not for real-time action. Plus, I decided I like depth perception. Not to mention that the middle camera almost fell on Hasselbeck and Burlison during Week 6’s Sunday Night game. If they don’t stop them now, they will soon get us too! The Faircatch Man, I miss the XFL. How many times have you been watching a game and there was a punt returner that you wanted just to get laid out? But with a wave of the arm, he becomes untouchable. That’s not football, that’s not even Mexico. I say Grab your sac, catch the ball, and run like hell or take a hit, Mary. The BCS I love how the I-AA college football division is more advanced than the I-A college football division. They have a playoff system, while we wait to see who the computer will compute as the “champion”, via a computer. That pisses me off. I just don’t get how they did not get rid of it after the 2003 football season, where LSU and USC split a championship title, even though USC didn’t even play in the Championship game. Until we have a playoff system, college football will never be what it could be. Arena Football The mentally impaired cousin of Canadian football. I would rather watch Lifetime. A fifty yard field, WOOOOOO Crazy. It would be a lot cooler if it was the NFL off-season and the NFL players played in it (like a spring league). Oh and what is with that guy that starts running in the backfield before the snap? What’s the hurry? Stupid football fields Boise State University- The biggest eye sore in American Sports besides the 76ers’ Calvin Booth. Who says “Man, we have to do something about all this plush, fresh-looking green grass. Lets try something different…I’m thinking blue”. The away team should automatically get ten points and be allowed to hit the greenskeeper in the face. Louisiana State University- The Hooked on Phonics of college football fields. I do not need every line numbered. If I can’ t remember what line is between the 20 and the 30 yard line, then I should turn the game off, put down the beer, and turn on Sesame Street. But with the lack of intellectual prowess on LSU’ s bench, it is no surprise that them and their fans need help counting…not to mention tying their shoes. Canadian Football fields- I’m, sorry, but you just can’t have your 50 yard line on the 55. That’s physics. Announcers John Madden- The most annoying man in football. He was a great coach and a awesome videogame designer, but please stop handing him a microphone. I don’t know how Pat Summerall or Al Michaels can stand Captain Obvious. • “When you talk about a Mike Shanahan offense, you’re usually talking about an offense”. • “The team that scores more points than the other team usually wins.” • “From the waist down, Earl Campbell has the biggest legs I’ ve ever seen on a running back.” Tony Siragusa- Maybe I would like him if he were a competitive eater, but not an announcer. I’d like to call him a “lovable loser” but no one loves him. Fattie. Girl Announcers on the Sideline- Stop getting girls that “know their football” and start getting girls that “will let us see their boobs”. The Super Bowl in February Does anyone else remember when the Super Bowl was in later January? Those were much simpler times. Now it got moved to the retarded month that can’t even decide how many days it has. “The Gameplan” with the Rock Its like a mix between “Any Given Sunday”, “Ms. Doubtfire”, and a car wreck. I smell an oscar. Limited game availability Okay, the NFL has two options: Stop showing games on the NFL Network, or make the NFL Network free and available everywhere. There’s a good idea to make people like your network, by having your home team”s biggest game of the year on a channel that’s “soon available in your Area”. Crap. Also, we are only able to watch five games a weekend. What about the other nine games? Unless you’re rolling in money and have the NFL Gameplan, you’re out of luck. They should start doing what CBS did for March Madness and start showing games online for free, or on more channels so you have options. Pro Football Hall of Fame “Hello, I’m looking for Art Monk. What? Oh, he’s not here? Okay, I will see if I can reach his cell phone.” Icing Kickers This always happens right when I have to piss. It pisses me off. Haha, piss. Anyway, I think that every time it seems that a coach ices a kicker for no reason (as opposed to changing a defense scheme, or replacing a player), it is a 10 yard penalty. That’ll teach them, and their little dog too. Mike Alstott I hope he loses his legs in some sort of bear mauling incident. The Rest: Seattle SeahaWks Philadelphia Eagles Oakland RAiders Baltimore Ravens New England Patriots New York Giants Carolina PAnthers Tampa BaY Buccaneers I think I rest my point. I will let you know if I remember any other things I hate. |
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